Uff.

(Rum)

So... where to start from? My life was always kinda messed up, never easy, never making any sense at all: but I figured "What the hell! Sooner or later things will get better". I'm starting to think that I was wrong all along; first of all, I still don't know what I'm gonna do in my life, and I'm not just talking about my career, if I'm ever to find a work for starters, but any kind of "great plan" or just something that will fill my soul with that "let's do it!" spirit, that I've lacked for an increasingly (almost terrifying) amount of time.
I've never fallen in love, and I think that it was me all along: it takes a great amount of courage to live as a couple with somebody, but it's also scary as hell living without anybody to talk with, cry with, maybe get old with. I've endured, and in enduring I grew strong (as the circle of Zerthimon said, if any of you readers have been in a place called Planescape Torment), but that doesn't mean it was fun. But that doesn't fill me neither with anger or sorrow: I'm just giving up, that's it, I no longer have the strength to pursue a romantic dream that will never come to be. Screw love, screw me, and nobody gets hurt in the process (except myself, but I've given up counting the scars on my soul a long, loooong time ago...).
Maybe I lack power, and if you're thinking that you've my approval.
Maybe I'm just a lazy crybaby, and in that case I say.... maybe. Not that I haven't tried being a "normal" human being, mind you, but maybe (again?) I wasn't fit to live as everybody else's does, with all the useless things that each one of us repeats day after day in an endless cycle.
But... no. I think these are the words of a very, very weary and tired old soldier, who has seen too much, and suffered too much, to get a hold of any hope anyone could throw at him. Uff.
That's it: maybe tomorrow will really be another day, and things will change.
But tonight, it's just me, myself and my fucked up excuse of a life.
Thanks for hearing me out.

Rum

P.s. The drawing at the beginning of this post is titled "Pandora's Box" and to the artist, Chris Walker, goes all the kudos I can spare for a very intriguing and powerful imaginery.